Hey guys, Femi here
So in the spirit of Flashback Friday, we decided to bring in a bit of an old school story, it’s totally whimsical, so please don’t read this story with any logic in mind.
Sorry we haven’t posted in a bit, Deji got a new job and is pretty busy with it, Billy is too busy meet John Boyega and the likes and Femi…well, Femi is just Femi sha.
Enjoy the story and don’t forget to like, leave a comment and share. Thanks!
Femi Owolabi came in from work pretty excited.
“Honey, I’m home!” he shouted into the house. Doris Owolabi came out from the kitchen beaming at her husband.
Femi still couldn’t believe she married him. Light skinned with huge eyes, a dainty nose and full lips. She was a sight to behold. She had an awesome figure to boot. Not the tallest girl in the world (and that worked just fine for Femi, he wasn’t tall either) but she was tall enough.
They had been married for two months and were still getting the hang of living together. Femi was the slob, she was the neat freak. Opposites attract they say. He was zany, she was sensible. He loved football, she…did not. They had a pretty neat house that both of them had paid for, couple’s power you could call it. And here they were, living together, getting the hang of being roomies.
“You’re back early.” Doris said, walking into her husband’s arms. He kissed her briefly and then nuzzled her neck. She giggled as his beard tickled her.
“Hey! Stop” she said in between fits of laughter “Why are you here so early anyways. You usually don’t get off work for another hour.”
“Hey! Hey! Hey!”
Doris paused, ‘o-kay’ she thought
Doris rolled her eyes
“Are you going to say anything other than ‘hey’ all day”
Doris punched his arm.
“Stop that!” she exclaimed
Femi rubbed his arm and smiled.
“Is it wrong to get off work early to see the most beautiful girl in the universe?”
Doris blushed, then arched an eyebrow
“You really think so?”
Doris pointed an accusing finger at him
“You hesitated!” she said
“I. Did. Not!” Femi said evasively
Doris’ eyes widened
“You pant!” she said in a high pitched voice “You were thinking of Scarlett Johanssen weren’t you?”
“No…..ish” said Femi defensively
“I knew it!” said Doris “God! You’re such a…………..Guy!”
She pulled away from him and gave him an exasperated look
“Why did I even marry you sef?” she asked
“Cos my name says so?” Femi quipped
Doris rolled her eyes again
“Seriously though, why DID you marry me?” asked Femi
“I didn’t have much of a choice.” Doris replied
“Course you did!” Femi retorted “There was that one, that other one and then the next one”
Doris gave Femi a sly look
“Well, in truth, I had a choice: it was either you or a mangy bear…….the bear died”
Femi feigned a hurt look
“That bad huh”
Doris laughed and pulled her husband close to her, she then put his hands on her hips and pulled the back of his head to her till their foreheads touched
“You, are an amazing person. And I can’t imagine myself any happier anywhere else.”
Femi smiled “That’s why I got you something”
“You did? What!” said Doris excited.
Doris sighed. He knew she didn’t like guessing. She didn’t even like surprises much. But he looked so excited, she decided to indulge him.
“The spa treatment I’ve been talking about?”
She thought for a bit
“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh, The washing machine I’ve been bugging you for since we got married?”
He smiled wider
“No. way, way better.”
Doris was getting excited
“Uuuuuuuuuuuuhhh, a new car?”
He smiled wider still
“No. even better.”
“Your mother died?”
“NO!” said Femi with a scowl “Jeez! You hate her that much?”
“I kid, I kid. So, what is it?”
“Come on out to the yard” was Femi’s reply “Close your eyes now, we wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise”
Doris allowed her husband to lead her out to the yard. She couldn’t help it, she was excited. Her mind was already on overdrive as to the things he could have gotten her. They got to the yard. The air around her was palpable with excitement. This was it.
“Open your eyes” said a clearly excited Femi.
Doris opened her eyes.
That was what stood before her
IN HER YARD!
Doris was speechless
Femi was already going on and on about it
“I went to my guy, the dealer. He gave me a good deal. He said there was no need for me to buy the washing machine. This would do all the housework and much more!”
Doris looked at him in disbelief
“OLUWAFEMI OLUWASEUN OWOLABI! WHAT IN THE NAME OF SUB ZERO’S FRIGGING ICED BALLS IS THIS!” she screamed.
Femi looked at her uncertainly
“You don’t like it?” he asked meekly
“You bought Voltron! You frigging bought Voltron! What am I supposed to do with it?”
“Now calm down Doris. Look on the bright side, it can do housework, my dealer assured me that he had made the necessary modifications. Remember its five lions, they could also act as pets”
“They’re frigging mechanical!” Doris shrilled, she could feel her hair frizzing. He could be so unbelievable sometimes
Femi tried again
“He would also be a magnificent security guard. No thief would dare come in. And when we have kids, he would be an excellent babysitter”
Doris looked at Femi and hoped he’d spontaneously combust. Femi continued
“You can send him grocery shopping and he even has an inbuilt sound system.”
Femi finished uncertainly and smiled nervously.
Femi drove Doris crazy, but he just had that childlike excitement in his eyes, and that his unsure smile melted her heart everytime. She could strangle him right now, but he also looked so cute. Her eyes mellowed, she couldn’t stay angry at him for long.
“Well did you at least test it.”
Femi looked like a deer caught in the headlights
“You didn’t test it?” Doris asked incredulously
Femi started looking at everywhere but at her
“Well, the guy did say he didn’t want us to cause a racket and all, but its guaranteed to work.”
“Femi, what am I going to do with you?”
He just stared.
She sighed again. “Fine, let’s test it then.”
“Great” Femi said “You won’t regret this” Doris wasn’t so sure about that
He moved over to the large robot
“Voltron, mow the lawn and wash the window” He said in a strong clear voice.
Doris raised her eyebrows “Surprise, Surprise” she said in a voice dripping with sarcasm. Then…
The machine moved.
Femi smiled….then frowned… then paled.
Doris was rooted to the spot in fear
Femi grabbed her hand
“RUN!” nobody was going to tell her twice. Their legs did that spinning thing cartoons do before running off
Needless to say, the house underwent renovations for at least 2 weeks.
2 Months Later
“Honey I’m home!” Femi Owolabi called
Doris came out to greet her husband. After a quick kiss and making goo goo eyes at each other, Femi said
“You know how the pastor always said we should be nice to people.”
Doris suddenly didn’t like where this was going
“I met this guy and he didn’t have a place to stay. So I offered that he could stay with us.”
Doris definitely didn’t like where this was going
“He was dressed in rags, I felt really sorry for him. His clothes look like a cloak and he keeps holding this short stick. And Doris, life has been cruel to this guy, his head is shaven, his eyes are large and soulless and his nostrils are like slits…almost like a snake.”
Doris was scared now
“Anyways, I just had to invite him over.” Femi opened the door “Come on in Mr. Vol…can’t pronounce It properly, just come on in. Meet my wife”
“Thank you, you are most kind” said a highly nasal voice. A figure appeared at the doorway “Thank you for welcoming me into your home.”
In their doorway stood Lord Voldemort
Thanks for reading guys and we hope to sort y’all out soon